Caitlin Moran: The Matrix-inator - 14
Joyce Hurd: Sharpie - 13
Before the Matrix-inator could even get her bearings, Hurd grabbed her by the hair and began raining down punches in quantities upwards of 50,000. But from out of nowhere, Caitlin pulled two brushed-metal Dell logos, which she spun like buzzsaws and lopped off both of Joyce's arms. Left without a weapon, Joyce screamed out for Jeff, requesting a sample of a large blunt premium with which to bash in Moran's skull. But the Chinese New Year delayed the shipment, and Moran embedded her knee-high leather boot in Hurd's cranium. The Matrix-inator left the ring victorious, defying all odds (which, in the end, are only ballpark).
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